Rubbah Slippahs, Aloha Shirts and The Dog

We’re always pleased to see a bit of Hawai’i make its way across the vast Pacific and find a place in mainstream Mainland culture. More often than not, however, something gets lost in translation. Good ting da Two Japanee Bruddahs stay hea fo’ set da record straight.

You may have heard, last month, that the Northwestern University women’s lacrosse team, upon winning the NCAA Championship, was invited to meet President George W. Bush. This routine photo opportunity ended up causing quite a bit of controversy, as several of the team members wore “flip-flops” (da kine Mainland word fo’ rubbah slippahs) to the White House ceremony. Ho, shame, yeah?

The ensuing media debate had some commentators going so far as to point to flip-flops as indicative of the decline of western civilization. That’s an extreme view, but the Two Japanee Bruddahs do know that, regardless of your politics, if you are invited to the White House, wear shoes.

Anybody in Hawai’i, in fact, will tell you, if your team wen win da Kalihi Valley Makule League bowling championship, an’ da Govenah wen invite da team to her house fo’ get one trophy, everybody know fo’ weah long pants an’ shoes. No can weah boro boro pants, tank top an’ rubbah slippahs, especially da kine Longs Drugs $1.79 rubbah slippahs.

Ho, goin’ take one long time fo’ undo all da serious damage da lacrosse girls wen do to da fine reputation of rubbah slippahs. Das why we goin’ recommend one law dat all slippahs sold on da Mainland must come wit one instruction book fo’ da kine propah usages. Maybe we goin’ talk to Congressman Mike Honda about dis idea.

Same ting wit aloha shirts. We don’t understand how it happened, but people on the Mainland seem to believe that aloha shirts and muu muus need to be loud, really ugly and preferably in fluorescent hues. And if possible, spouses and children should wear matching outfits. It’s okay for tourists to dress that way while vacationing in Hawai’i. It provides locals, after all, with an easy way to identify them, and also provides endless hours of free amusement.

As any kama’aina knows, the appropriate aloha shirt can be worn in virtually any situation in Hawai’i, whether to court, in a corporate office, at a wedding, baby luau or even at a funeral service. We no can ovah stress, howevah, da importance of da word, “appropriate.”

Dats why abunai fo’ put “aloha attire” on top one Mainland wedding invitation, especially if you stay planning one fancy kine wedding. Da people from Hawai’i goin’ undahstand, and weah da kine nice clothes, but everybody else, auwe! Dey goin’ show up wit da mos’ hammajang kine outfits you evah wen see.

Our aloha shirt advice is, until you’ve developed a refined taste in Island fashion, stick to established manufacturers such as Iolani, Kahala, Reyns and Tori Richards. An’ no buy your aloha shirt from ABC Stores or da swap meet.

Speaking of Hawai’i exports, by a show of hands, how many of you are fans of “Dog The Bounty Hunter” on the cable A&E network? Of the three Hawai’i-based television series that premiered in 2004 – North Shore, Hawai’i and Dog The Bounty Hunter – who would have ever guessed that the sole survivor would be the reality series that follows the adventures of larger-than-life bounty hunter, Duane “Dog” Chapman and his crew.

You may recall that Chapman first gained notoriety for his much publicized capture of Max Factor heir, Andrew Luster, in Mexico two years ago.

Whether it’s due to his WWE persona, his ultra-tita wife, or his turn-your-life-around sermons, Dog has gained a huge following, with over 1.6 million viewers tuning in every week. It is the A&E network’s most watched primetime show, and among the most popular series on cable TV. Moreover, the program has become a runaway international hit, with phenomenal success in Australia, the Netherlands and the United Kingdom.

Ey, da show is good fun kine entahtainment, but one ting stay concerning da Two Japanee Bruddahs. We no like people outside Hawai’i get da wrong kine impression, dat get choke crime in Hawai’i.

So, on behalf of the Hawai’i Visitor’s Bureau, we like say no be scared fo’ go visit Hawai’i. Kay, get some small kine crime, but not too much, an’ mos’ of da people stay friendly, law abiding citizens.

One last ting we no undahstand about da program, is how come dey put da kine subtitles on top da TV whenevah da local people stay talking? Stay jus’ like da kine Japanee samurai movie. Ey, no need subtitles. Everybody can undahstand wot dey stay talking. We tinking, probably da subtitles stay fo’ da kine hearing impaired viewahs.

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One thought on “Rubbah Slippahs, Aloha Shirts and The Dog

  1. how refreshing to read this column now living on the mainland! I loved the references to Longs, and the distinction of rubbah slippahs we wen get dea. Annual school shoes. One pair, all perfect by the end of the school year. On the mainland, if you say slippers, everyone thinks of fuzzy indoor house shoes. But if you referred to those in Hawaii, who would know; since if your feet get cold you just put socks on, then squish the toe down like tobis when you put on da slippah.

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